Last week was a rare respite from the usual chaos that enveloped our home. With my aggressive mother and equally aggressive brother gone to the province for a while, the house seemed to sigh with relief, exhaling the usual tension that filled its rooms. The atmosphere became noticeably calmer, allowing for a peaceful and tranquil environment. It was a much-needed break from the constant arguments and clashes that had become the norm in our household. It was just my father and me, the two of us navigating the domestic sea of tranquillity in the absence of nagging and disputes.
My father, a motorcycle driver by profession, was busy from dawn to dusk, earning our livelihood. It meant that for the majority of the day, I had the house to myself. The living room, usually occupied by my mother, was now a serene sanctuary. It's funny how you learn to appreciate simple pleasures. I could now watch TV in the living room, something I rarely did when my mother was around, her presence often claiming the space. Without her constant presence, the living room became a place of solace where I could unwind and escape into the world of television shows.
One day, I mustered the motivation to take on a new task: doing my laundry. It might not sound like a big deal, but it was a symbol of newfound independence for me. I folded my clothes meticulously, not the way my mother insisted but in my style that I learned from the internet, and it gave me a sense of accomplishment. Little things like these, which I had longed to do without judgment, made that week special. It was empowering to know that I could rely on my abilities and make decisions for myself, even in something as simple as doing laundry.
Another privilege of that peaceful week was the opportunity to go out without judgment. I went for an outing twice during those days. It was a chance to experience solitude, even though I couldn't use my tricycle since a motorcycle blocked the driveway throughout the week. If the tricycle had been available, I would have enjoyed morning bike rides, feeling the wind against my face. The absence of judgment allowed me to fully embrace the freedom of exploring new places. I took long walks, immersing myself in the beauty of nature and relishing the tranquillity that surrounded me. Although I missed the exhilaration of biking, the serenity I found in those solitary walks was unparalleled.
I even had plans to attend a Protestant church service on Friday night to mark the beginning of Shabbat. The church was just a kilometre away from our house, making it accessible for me. However, my plans took an unexpected turn when my mother and brother returned, abruptly ending my brief foray into a quiet, serene existence. As they entered the house, the once peaceful atmosphere was shattered by their boisterous laughter and animated conversations. The tranquillity I had grown accustomed to vanished in an instant, leaving me longing for those solitary walks and the solace they provided.
Now, you might wonder why I didn't accompany them to the province. There were a few reasons for my decision. Firstly, I suffered from motion sickness during travel, which could turn a journey into a nauseating ordeal. Secondly, I didn't want to leave my art projects behind. Art has always been my passion, my creative outlet, and I was keen on dedicating time to it, especially since I had recently graduated from college which consumed my time for my art and myself entirely, so I will dedicate my time wholeheartedly to my art. In addition, I also wanted to take advantage of the peaceful and serene environment of the province to find inspiration for my future artistic endeavours.
Another reason for my stay was the pending results of a psychological test. I was anxiously awaiting the outcome, and I needed to collect the results from the clinic once they were available. Additionally, my laptop was currently dependent on a large monitor, as its built-in screen had a persistent defect. My Android tablet wasn't a suitable alternative either, given its frustratingly flickering screen. I didn't want my family to discover these issues, so I preferred to stay back. Additionally, staying back allowed me to have some much-needed alone time and focus on my thoughts and self-reflection, which I found beneficial for my overall well-being.
Hence, I consciously chose not to join my family on provincial vacations for the time being. Until I secured a job and a steady income, I would remain in the company of my father when he was at home. When I have my job and income, that is the time for me to make that decision, whether to join my kin on these vacations or not, it would be a choice I made independently and finally, without opposition from my family, even if it means for me to be completely alone in a house. I need to establish my path before fully immersing myself in family vacations, as it will give me a stronger foundation to contribute and enjoy these experiences with them in the future.