It seems like every time I step into the house, I'm greeted with the same overbearing atmosphere, filled with tension and a sharpness that's hard to ignore. This, of course, comes from my mum, whose aggressive stance on cleanliness has become a source of constant frustration. Let me be clear, I'm not here to bad-mouth my mum or paint her as some sort of villain. No, this is more of a therapeutic rant, a formal airing of grievances, if you will. I'm just sick of her aggressiveness, especially when it comes to how she keeps the house.
You see, my mum has an almost fanatical devotion to cleanliness. Everything has to be in its place, not a speck of dust or a stray crumb in sight. It sounds admirable, and to some extent, it is. But living with someone who demands absolute perfection can be suffocating. One little mistake, one tiny oversight, and she's off, frustrated and angry. It's as if the world is ending because there’s a fingerprint on the fridge door or a smudge on the mirror. It's exhausting to constantly walk on eggshells and strive for unattainable perfection.
Now, here's the thing. If my mum wants the house to remain as spotless as she keeps it, perhaps she should have had a daughter instead. From my observations, girls seem to have a natural flair for maintaining that level of cleanliness. They can keep things tidy and pristine in a way that seems almost effortless. But what did she end up with? A husband and two sons. There's me, an artist, and my brother, who, to put it mildly, is quite arrogant. My mum has two sons, one who is utterly indifferent to her standards, and another who lives in a world of creativity and chaos.
Being an artist, my room is always a bit of a mess. Not the kind of mess that comes from laziness or neglect, but a maximalist vibe that symbolises hard work and dedication to my craft. An artist's room isn't supposed to be that super immaculate; it's a space where creativity thrives amidst a bit of what you perceive as a disorder. Yes, there are paint splatters on the floor and canvases propped up against the walls. Art supplies are scattered around, but everything is well organised and has its place in the grand scheme of my creative process.
My room is a testament to my passion. It's filled with art materials - brushes, paints, sketchpads, and a myriad of other tools of the trade. To an outsider, it might look like chaos, but to me, it’s organised "chaos". I know where everything is, and there's a method to that "madness". Each colour splatter tells a story, and each brushstroke is a part of my journey as an artist. It's a maximalist haven where inspiration and hard work come together. In this space, I can truly be myself and let my creativity flow freely.
Many years ago, there once was a room of mine that I organised and made convenient for artists like me by letting the art materials be on display so that I could use them at ease without finding where I hid them. That was while my mum was in another country for work just yet. But this room is changed to an atrium as my room is moved to the second storey of the house, overlooking the garden. The new space is filled with natural light and fresh air, providing a different kind of inspiration for my work as an artist.
One thing is clear which is no matter how neat and organised I keep my art materials, an artist's room will never meet my mum's standards of cleanliness. To her, a clean room is one where nothing is out of place, where surfaces are clear, and everything shines. The maximalist vibe of an artist's studio is a far cry from the sterile perfection she demands. And that's a major point of contention between us. It's all part of the process and helps fuel my creativity in ways a perfectly tidy space never could.
My mum needs to accept that she’s the only female in the house. With a husband who does D-I-Y at the garage and two sons who have very different priorities, she has to lower her standards of cleanliness. It’s not that we don’t care about the house or don’t appreciate her efforts. It’s just that we live differently. I need my space to create, to let my imagination run wild without the constant pressure of maintaining an unrealistic level of tidiness. My mental well-being and productivity need to have a space that reflects my unique way of working.
If my mum can't come to terms with this, then she has no choice but to accept, endure, and wait until I can settle into my place. That's why I'm in such a hurry to get a job. I need to move out, to find a space where I can live and work without the constant clash over cleanliness. I need a place that can accommodate my creative process without the looming threat of frustration and anger over a bit of mess. I believe that once I have my own space, my mental well-being will improve significantly, allowing me to be more productive and focused on my work.
I respect my mum’s dedication to cleanliness, I truly do. But her aggressive approach has made our home a battlefield. It’s not just about the physical state of the house; it’s about the emotional toll it takes on all of us. Every time she lashes out over something minor, it chips away at our relationship. It's hard to feel at ease in a place where perfection is the only acceptable standard. I long for a home where we can all feel comfortable and accepted, regardless of the level of cleanliness. Finding a balance between order and relaxation is essential for a harmonious living environment.
I imagine a future where I have my studio, a space designed for creativity, where the mess is a sign of productivity and passion, not something to be ashamed of. I dream of a place where I can work late into the night without worrying about waking up to a tirade about the state of my room. A place where I can breathe easy and let my art flourish. A space where I can truly be myself and express my ideas freely without judgment. A sanctuary where my creativity can thrive and my imagination can run wild.
My mum may say that it doesn't work that way especially when I have a wife. Well, I rather be a hermit for the rest of my life than marry a girl as nagging and as aggressive as her. I value my peace and independence too much to sacrifice it for a relationship that doesn't allow me to fully be myself. I will continue to seek out a space where I can truly thrive and create without limitations. I believe that finding a balance between personal freedom and companionship is possible. Ultimately, I am committed to staying true to myself and my passions, no matter what challenges may come my way.
In the meantime, I try to find a balance. I do my best to keep things reasonably tidy, to avoid unnecessary confrontations. But it’s a delicate dance, one where I constantly feel on edge, never quite sure if I’ve done enough to avoid the next outburst. It's exhausting, and it's taking a toll on my mental health and my ability to create. I long for the day when I can escape this constant state of unease and truly feel at peace in my own space. Until then, I will continue to navigate this challenging situation with resilience and determination.
I know my mum means well. Her aggression comes from a place of care, and a desire to maintain a home that she's proud of. But she needs to understand that her standards are not the only way to live. There’s beauty in the chaos, in the vibrant mess of an artist's space. There’s life and energy in a room that’s filled with creative tools and unfinished projects. I need to find a balance between honouring her wishes and staying true to myself. I will work towards creating a space that reflects both her values and my unique style.
My mum’s insistence on absolute cleanliness is like trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. It doesn’t work for our family dynamic, and it’s causing more harm than good. She needs to find a way to let go, to accept that not everything has to be perfect. Finding a compromise that respects her need for cleanliness while also allowing for some messiness is essential for maintaining harmony in our home. By setting boundaries and communicating openly, we can find a balance that works for everyone.
So, here I am, ranting in a formal tone, hoping to convey just how sick am I of my mum's aggressiveness. It's not easy living in a constant state of tension, but I’m doing my best to cope. I’m working hard to find a job, save up and eventually move out. Until then, I’ll keep trying to balance my need for a creative space with her need for cleanliness. It's a delicate dance, but we'll figure it out. I know that eventually, we will find a solution that works for both of us. In the meantime, I'll continue to express my feelings and work towards a compromise.
In conclusion, I appreciate everything she does for our family. But her aggressive stance on cleanliness is something I can't live with forever. I hope she can find a way to understand that a bit of mess isn't the end of the world. It’s a sign of life, of creativity, and of a home that’s lived in. And as I work towards my future, I hope we can find a way to coexist peacefully, without the constant battle over the state of the house. I value her dedication to cleanliness, but I also hope she can see the value in a little messiness from time to time. It's all about finding a balance that works for both of us.
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